it's monday

*cough*

Happy Friday (Yo)!

My Interview with Jen-tertainment Weekly

Jen over at Casual Slack had a tag/interview thing up and I was bored and she was bored and we were bored and you're prolly bored or else you wouldn't be here reading this so...

ready
set..

go.....................

1. If you were to add a 13th month into the year, where would you put it and what would you call it? I'd call it Shmebruary and I'd put it between February and March because it would just sound silly anywhere else. PLUS, if I had put it after December it WOULD be the 13th month and all the supersitious wussies and UBER-religious nutbags would FREAK every time it rolled around. By putting it after Feb, it makes December the 13th month and since all the big Holy holidays (batman!!) are there it will keep the masses calm (Baa-aa-aa).

....and what "holidays" would you invent for your month? Shmebruary 3rd would be "You Rock!" day, a celebration of everything YOU. All day long people would be expected to high-five eachother and say "Hey, you rock!" or some variation thereof. I have a feeling that Shmebruary parades would kick ass. The best part? No tax on Shmebruary 3rd. Shmebruary 4th would be Quiet Day.

2. What was the last thing you purchased for yourself
and what do you think you will purchase next?
I think it was shoes. I got some Converse Chuck Taylor lowtop slipons. It's like wearing slippers all day long. They're awesome. Next up? Not sure. I'm gonna need furniture in a couple months. I need to save up if I'm gonna buy this sweet lookin couch from IKEA.

3. In your humble opinion the Best Invention Ever! is...? Well, first off, I think the woman who came up with the blowjob should have statues all over the place even if children wouldn't be able to look at them or understand why she's never standing, but since I think "bj's" are a technique or skill rather than an invention AND since "The Wheel" is overused I'll go with Refrigeration.

4. If you could play any character in a movie (past or present) - which character/movie would it be?
There was this one movie where a guy got to nail like 8 different girls, all of which were actually hot or cute and liked to have their hair pulled, but since we're probably talking about mainstream stuff I think I actually could've played the role of Brodie from Mallrats easily since that's pretty much me ('specially that part with the kid on the GODDAMN ESCALATOR!! Where the phuc WERE his parents?!!)

5. What would be the three main rules if you ran your own country?

1) Annual competency testing. Failure means deportation to the USA, where idiocy is rewarded. (Hi Dubya!!)
2) No combovers.
3) Be excellent to eachother.




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OFFICIAL TAG RULES:

Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me!”

I will respond by e-mailing you five questions (if your email is not on your profile, email me your desire to be interviewed so I know your address).

I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.

You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Don't Play This One Either!!!

BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

Man, I'm evil.

Meh.

Don't Play This!

You're welcome.

BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

Supa 80's Explosion!!

Man, YouTube is awesome.









I'm thinkin of making another blog that is nuthin but music videos I find of stuff I like given to you with a lil Jerk history and crappy grammar and lots of run on sentences and a serious lack of punctuation and total disregard for spelling and music videos.

We'll see.

The Final Plague Is Morons

I work with idiots. I work with, stupid, lazy, cover your own ass fucktards. Out of all the shit at work I've been through, seen, heard.....THIS I believe may be the last straw.

On Friday, I completed a job to that could then be mailed out. I took it to the mailroom, as always, and they at least acted like they were busy and disappointed that I brought MORE work. I asked if I could put them in their safe since everything was done and they would be getting them sooner or later anyhoo...they were ok with that.
I told them it was ok if they waited until Monday to mail them, they COULD go out on Friday, but if they were busy with other stuff, it was no big deal, hold them UNTIL Monday. They were cool with that.

So....

I was sick on Monday. I go in today and find out that all hell broke loose. A boss saw the stuff in the safe and wondered WHY it was there, and wonder if they could mail it. All the fucktards could remember was that I said something like "Do NOT mail these today (friday), hold them until Monday! HOLD THEM UNTIL MONDAY!!!".

SO....

The boss yelled at the supervisor for not knowing WHY they were in the safe, then went a higher ranking person to find out if there was a special reason WHY they were on hold UNTIL Monday (Are you guys still with me in that this all took place ON Monday?), then those two people talked to ANOTHER person to find out WHY they were in the safe and on hold UNTIL Monday. Nobody seemed to know WHY, and the low ranking fucktards were too afraid that they would get in trouble that they kept pointing their fingers at ME (even though I wasn't there). Meanwhile, the stuff that was OK to mail, sat there not being mailed.

Here are the questions that were being asked of everyone instead of mailing this stuff out:


WHY did Jerk give us this stuff on Friday, instead of waiting until Monday?
WHY were we to hold them until Monday?
If all the paperwork, all of the things that needed to be done BEFORE it gets to the mailroom were done, and you could clearly SEE all of the correct documentation was WITH the job, WHY did we hold them until Monday?
WHY were they in the safe?
Why WERE they in the safe?
Why were THEY in the safe?
Why were they IN the safe?
Why were they in THE SAFE?

Now, if for whatever reason they can't get something out that's important or has to do with money, they lock it in the safe ANYWAY. They lock shit up all the time, including the crap like what I gave them.

The only thing EVERYONE seemed to be in agreement on was that I said "Hold them UNTIL Monday. They can be mailed out ON Monday.".

At the end of the day (Monday), someone made a last minute, down to the wire, it's now or never decision to mail them.

Am I explaining this well enough?

It was like telling someone "Do NOT push this button until 3 o'clock." and then after 3 rolls around they all went "Well, what do we do NOW? DO we push the button? He didn't say push the button. All he said was don't push it until 3. It's 4:15 now. What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?! Why couldn't we push the button before then? I'm not pushing the button, YOU push the button. It's past 3. All he said was when NOT to push it!!!"

The mission statement was "Mail these on Monday" and they wasted time wondering why they were in the safe. It became a big deal that involved people that normally aren't even involved in the process. No one got in trouble, no one would have been in trouble, no one needed to panic, freak out, lie, hide, point fingers, have a heart attack, call the National Guard, call Canada and get some Mounties on loan, get ahold of the A-team, Michael Knight, KITT, BJ & The Bear, SWAT, Delta Force, The Dirty Dozen, Walker Texas Ranger, Dan Tanna, Urkel........the Professor and Mary-Ann.

A couple years ago they forced this guy Bob into retirement. Bob was very much like Forrest Gump, smarter than he seemed, and WAY smarter than most folk walkin around. If I had told Bob that they can be mailed out on Monday, when do you think Bob would've mailed them out? That's right, on Monday. Not only that, Bob would've understood and remembered WHY they were in the safe, not given it a second thought and mailed them out on Monday. They forced Bob into retirement and kept THE FUCKING RETARDS!!!

Wasn't there a Twilight Zone or maybe a Grimm's fairy tale that had people just sitting around arguing about crap instead of just doing whatever it was even though it was simple?

Am I making sense? My brain hurts from trying to figure out why they were in the safe....no wait, um....why they freaked out over the part that wasn't important. Yeah, I don't unnerstan.

If there is a God, I don't know how he puts up with this shit all the time.

It's Sofa King cool

Now, the "Sofa King" thing has been around awhile, but what cracks me up is that the NBC censors didn't seem to get the joke.

I used to go to school with a girl who's whole family had the unibrow thing going.
Poor Lizzy, I'm sure she plucks or waxes now.

j/k

Steppin' Out by Joe Jackson