Friday Jibba-jabba-jumblypoo!

I keep meaning to write my Ten Rules to live by post that some girl I do not know in any way shape or manner yet I read her blog and she somehow, possibly, knows me (the No Celery Please broad), but every time I want to it just come out more like a "Jerks Pet Peeves/Ten ways to ge Jerk to smash your fat face!" type thing.

Therefore, I shall just type the following random stuffage.

1) My knee feels better today. It's an upper calf sprain on the back of my right knee. The loud *POP*(!) I swear I heard and definately felt was simply the fluid "snapping" in the same manner as when you crack/pop your knuckles. At least that's what the doctor said, but what do they know anyway, they're merely "practicing" medicine.

2) Why is it when people are crossing the street and they see your car coming they run juuuuuuuust enough to get in FRONT of your car and then walk the rest of the way across the street? "Oh dear, there's a car coming I better bolt out into the middle of the street and then casually stroll the rest of the way so's what they don't hit me!". Yeah, good thinking Gumby. RUN YOUR ASS ALL THEY WAY ACROSS THE STREET OR STAY ON THE PHUC-N CURB TIL I PASS!!! Grrrr. Bastards.

3) Here's a rule to live by.....

BATHE

This isn't France. Your "scent" isn't "sexy". We pay good money to have our water cleaned. Use it. You know what goes good with that water when you're bathing? Soap. Soap is your friend. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

4) Why are there fat plumbers? Ever tried crawling under your kitchen or bathroom sink to get at sumthin? Big, fat, plumbers crack looking hombres, shouldn't be plumbers. You know who should be plumbers? Little people. Phuc the Lollipop Guild, those dudes need to be plumbing.

5) Bathe.

6) Why do they bother putting articles in Playboy? Seriously. We all know why you're checking it out and it's not for that Obama interview.

7) What's with Wade Boggs doing Hair restoration commercials? Way to knock yerself down several notches on the Jerk Coolmeter. What's next Sean Connery doing Viagra commercials?

8) Speaking of....have you seen the commercial with all the old dudes in some kind of band, sitting around singing about gettin it up? WTF? Gay. Not Gay-gay, but gay like lame gay. Well, now that I think about it, it's a new kind of Gay. Gay-agra. Who does that? "Say Charlie, a bunch of the fellas and I are getting together to jam this weekend and sing about our Johnsons. You in? You sure? We need a flute player. Hey, where you goin?"

9) Is it just me, or have you noticed that Tom Brady dresses like he's going to some party thrown by Austin Powers after every game? The other day, after the Patriots beat the Colts, he was wearing a velvet jacket or some such. Is it his supermodel girlfriends fault? "Tohm, you no wud wood be real hoet. Eef you war a velvet jahket. Yez, und it woot be even hodder eef you wore some of my Victoria's Secret panties unnerneaf.". He looked like he was the stand in for Bruce Campbell in those Old Spice commmercials. Ahoy.

10) I still think about The Girl. A lot. I shouldn't.

11) To be continued....