Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Final Plague Is Morons

I work with idiots. I work with, stupid, lazy, cover your own ass fucktards. Out of all the shit at work I've been through, seen, heard.....THIS I believe may be the last straw.

On Friday, I completed a job to that could then be mailed out. I took it to the mailroom, as always, and they at least acted like they were busy and disappointed that I brought MORE work. I asked if I could put them in their safe since everything was done and they would be getting them sooner or later anyhoo...they were ok with that.
I told them it was ok if they waited until Monday to mail them, they COULD go out on Friday, but if they were busy with other stuff, it was no big deal, hold them UNTIL Monday. They were cool with that.

So....

I was sick on Monday. I go in today and find out that all hell broke loose. A boss saw the stuff in the safe and wondered WHY it was there, and wonder if they could mail it. All the fucktards could remember was that I said something like "Do NOT mail these today (friday), hold them until Monday! HOLD THEM UNTIL MONDAY!!!".

SO....

The boss yelled at the supervisor for not knowing WHY they were in the safe, then went a higher ranking person to find out if there was a special reason WHY they were on hold UNTIL Monday (Are you guys still with me in that this all took place ON Monday?), then those two people talked to ANOTHER person to find out WHY they were in the safe and on hold UNTIL Monday. Nobody seemed to know WHY, and the low ranking fucktards were too afraid that they would get in trouble that they kept pointing their fingers at ME (even though I wasn't there). Meanwhile, the stuff that was OK to mail, sat there not being mailed.

Here are the questions that were being asked of everyone instead of mailing this stuff out:


WHY did Jerk give us this stuff on Friday, instead of waiting until Monday?
WHY were we to hold them until Monday?
If all the paperwork, all of the things that needed to be done BEFORE it gets to the mailroom were done, and you could clearly SEE all of the correct documentation was WITH the job, WHY did we hold them until Monday?
WHY were they in the safe?
Why WERE they in the safe?
Why were THEY in the safe?
Why were they IN the safe?
Why were they in THE SAFE?

Now, if for whatever reason they can't get something out that's important or has to do with money, they lock it in the safe ANYWAY. They lock shit up all the time, including the crap like what I gave them.

The only thing EVERYONE seemed to be in agreement on was that I said "Hold them UNTIL Monday. They can be mailed out ON Monday.".

At the end of the day (Monday), someone made a last minute, down to the wire, it's now or never decision to mail them.

Am I explaining this well enough?

It was like telling someone "Do NOT push this button until 3 o'clock." and then after 3 rolls around they all went "Well, what do we do NOW? DO we push the button? He didn't say push the button. All he said was don't push it until 3. It's 4:15 now. What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?! Why couldn't we push the button before then? I'm not pushing the button, YOU push the button. It's past 3. All he said was when NOT to push it!!!"

The mission statement was "Mail these on Monday" and they wasted time wondering why they were in the safe. It became a big deal that involved people that normally aren't even involved in the process. No one got in trouble, no one would have been in trouble, no one needed to panic, freak out, lie, hide, point fingers, have a heart attack, call the National Guard, call Canada and get some Mounties on loan, get ahold of the A-team, Michael Knight, KITT, BJ & The Bear, SWAT, Delta Force, The Dirty Dozen, Walker Texas Ranger, Dan Tanna, Urkel........the Professor and Mary-Ann.

A couple years ago they forced this guy Bob into retirement. Bob was very much like Forrest Gump, smarter than he seemed, and WAY smarter than most folk walkin around. If I had told Bob that they can be mailed out on Monday, when do you think Bob would've mailed them out? That's right, on Monday. Not only that, Bob would've understood and remembered WHY they were in the safe, not given it a second thought and mailed them out on Monday. They forced Bob into retirement and kept THE FUCKING RETARDS!!!

Wasn't there a Twilight Zone or maybe a Grimm's fairy tale that had people just sitting around arguing about crap instead of just doing whatever it was even though it was simple?

Am I making sense? My brain hurts from trying to figure out why they were in the safe....no wait, um....why they freaked out over the part that wasn't important. Yeah, I don't unnerstan.

If there is a God, I don't know how he puts up with this shit all the time.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, wait....why was it in the safe again?

*runs away laughing*

KOM said...

Everything in triplicate, poletariat. Everything in triplicate.

jeopardygirl said...

sigh. fucking bureaucracy.

Anonymous said...

Ummm...you DO know where you work, don't you Jerk?! H-E-L-L-O

Robyn said...

Fucktard is one of my all time favorite words.

All I imagined toward the end of the story was everyone reverting to ape-like creatures and slinging poop at each other.

Da Biatch said...

Finally... Someone who feels the pain as much as I do. Congrats!

Wendy said...

"The mission statement was "Mail these on Monday" hahahaha!

This is THE most incredible, fantastic verbage/nounage ever written in the history of writing. Oh.My.Good.Grief! This explains my life at work.

My boss wanted me to travel 200 miles to do a return for another office that couldn't get their heads out of their asses long enough to see air. They had two months to do this return, 2 MONTHS! I was to drive up there, get it done, and drive back and do my 600 returns piled up behind me in a teetering mountain.

The thing is, my boss was driving up there already for some other issue...uhhhh, why don't YOU do the return? No time, and you are the "Man" for this job, my specialty and shit like that and there is a lot of paperwork. Okay.

So, since you will be making another trip up there in a few days, how about you export the whole return to disk and I can import it here and then when I am done you can just take it back when you go or we can Fed Ex it, whatevs, that way I don't have to drive 400 miles for nothing...

WOOOOHOOOOOO! I had just invented gravity, dude, seriously. The thing with people is they are inable to think outside the box or within their own little boxes and no one can make a fucking decision to save an ant. I love this story so much I may link it to my site.