If there is a God, he "spoke" through Jimi

Today the coolest song in the universe is " Spanish Castle Magic" from Axis: Bold as Love by The Jimi Hendrix Experience.

This whole album is awesome to have sex to(o?).
Not "Make love", not angry/make-up sex, but fun sex.
You know, hot, laughing, smiling, rolling around, lotsa kissing...."fun" sex.

Geezus, I hope you know what I'm talking about. If not, you've missed out buddy.
Get to work on that.

"Little Miss Lover" has a particularly "fun"/flashback effect on me. :)

No, I won't tell you.

This time....make it funky. Make it funky this time.

Jerk will be drinkin at Funky Buddha tonight. I might hit Wynkoop, before or after, I'll let ya know.

I don't know why I tell you guys this because the 4-5 people who actually live in the Metrojerkian area have never, ever, ever, ever shown up at any place I said I was going to be hanging out at and I've been blogging for over 3 years now.

Bastards.

Maybe that's a good thing though, cuz for all I know you guys are psycho hosebags who would chop me up and bury me in your grammies backyard or something worse than that like force me to listen to Tori Amos or that phuc-n Uberbland Michael Booo-blay guy.

Knowing my luck Ramblin' Girl would force me to hike or some horrifying thing like go shopping at REI with her and her friend KT.
"OOoooooOooo look at these silk socks with a microfiber blended whatchamajig that wicks away moisture while you (insert physical outdoorsy activity Jerk would NEVER do)!!"

(shudder)

UPDATE: I think I gots food poisoning at lunch. I feel ucky.

My thumb hurts

I sliced it open in a bizarre plumbing accident. It won't stop bleeding. It's not doing a lawn sprinkler/arterial bloodbath thing, but it won't stop. Did I mention that it hurts?
I get up in the middle of the night and here water running, more like BLASTING from somewhere. I go downstairs and see the kitchen sink going all out. It's one of those one handled faucets that you pull up/push down and turn for hot or cold. It won't push down. Won't budge a phuc. I wiggle it and lean on it, get it down to a drizzle finally. No prob, I've seen this before. It's some kind of washer or rubber gasket thingy. I"ll turn the water off under the sink and get to it tomorrow. Cold turns off, but the hot knob is stripped like a Playmate on New Years Eve.

So...

I get up to turn the water off in the basement and set right into a soaking wet part of the carpet. How I stepped over it when I came in I have no idea, but one SQUISH later and I can tell this is a bigger problem than I thought.

Phuc.

I go down to the basement and I'm suddenly in a WWII sub-marine movie! Water is dripping or downright pouring from where the main pipe is right under the kitchen sink. All that was missing was a dim red light, that "arrroooo-gah arrroooo-gah!" sound and some guy yelling in german for me to brace for emergency surface!
Water everywhere, big puddle, rug soaked. Squish squish squish, reach up and turn off the main water lines. As I'm turning one off I can hear the water blasting again upstairs!

Fuck.

I get back up there and decide to try one more time to get the hot water line shut off under the sink. I get a rubber band to help get a grip on the stripped knob thingy, get the wrench on there and as I"m going to torque the damn thing my arm bumps the drain pipe. The whole thing pops loose like it was never attached!

FUCK!

I push it back up and on to the bottom of the sink and that's when I see why there's water everywhere. The upswing part of the elbow/U- part of the pipe has simply disintegrated. All this time the water was blasting, and I don't know how long it was, it's been pouring out the bottom of the sink like a waterfall.

So.......

Now, I"m thinkin....ok, I've got some pvc pipe crap laying around, maybe I can rig a temp patch job McGuyver type thing to hold it for the night and tomorrow til I get the manager of the complex over to fix it. I barely get ahold of the pipe to see if I can push it up a bit (remember,it popped loose from the bottom of the sink) and it crumbles like candy glass and slices a chunk out of my thumb and stabs part of my hand.
Great...so NOW, I'm thinkin that I'm gonna have to get dressed (I've been in my boxers this whole time) and go to the emergency room to get my thumb stitched up. Lovely, bright red blood is streaming down my hand. I should've taken a pic, it was very artsy. If I put it up in B&W it'd be a highly downloaded pic amongst Goth kids 15-19. Hand held out, palm full of blood...a thin little stream of it running down my wrist and forearm. Dammit, I should've taken a picture or maybe YouTubed this whole thing. Meh, maybe next bullshit crises.

No sleep last night. I kept waking up thinking I was hearing water running even though I turned it off.

Did I mention that the kitchen is a mess? I have to clean it up, without water, and THEN get this shit fixed.

My thumb hurts. It's slowed, but won't stop bleeding.

The worst part of all of this, is that when I did get a little sleep, Patty Smith showed up in my dream and sang "Because the night". What the hell does THAT mean?

My thumb hurts.

Yeah.....I'm gonna have to post this...thanks a bunch.

Dude, the guy who just delivered my pizza looked like Milton from Office Space.

Trivia question:

What is the last line in Office Space?

NO CHEATING!

Bonus I'll think you're cool points for dropping favorite quotes from it.

You know...

Sometimes.....

Bleh.

Dark....humor?

Do you have any idea how odd it is to feel bad/sad when people tell you how much they like you?
Do you know what it's like to avoid people, to hope that they don't talk you, to NOT want people to get to know you because you don't want them to miss you?

Do you think it would be funny, sad, ironic or just plain "Hm....weird" if one killed themselves on their birthday?

I shant, just wondering. I was thinking ironic in a "it's posta be our BIRTH-day not checkout date" kinda way. I think that only a person with OCD would off themselves on their b-day, but who knows. I'm sure some smartass thought of it before me and actually did it.

Asshole.

You know what's odd about my recent depression?
This new apathy.
IT's new to me anyhoo.
I don't care.
I mean, even if/whem I do have thoughts of suicide, it's quickly snuffed with a "Meh...what's the point". (I typed pint there first. Fruedian slip?)
That's it! A great slogan! "Don't kill yerself, have a pint!" Guiness can have that one for free. I'm sure M.A.D.D. won't approve, but Friends Against Dead Friends won't mind. Man, is it just me or does that sound like a necrophilia club? (shudder)

Hm...

Lately my moods seems to be:

1) Sad
2) Angry
3) Apathetic

Yes, I am an apathetic person (A pathetic person?) most of the time.

I don't care.

I was trying to explain it to someone. It's not an angry "Fuck this! I don't give a shit anymore!! Grrrrr!" thing. It's a.......blankness. That's the best way I can put it. Blank. Does anyone remember the game show Match Game? That's me.

Jerk is ______.

The other day I had a lovely talk/fight with my soon to be ex-wife. She asked me if I EVER loved her. I didn't know how to answer. It's one of those "Does this make me look fat?" questions. In a way I guess my depression is good. I'm finally going through with the divorce. The main reason? Because if I get weak, choose the cowardly thing, she won't have to handle all the funeral/money crap. There's a cheery thought. Just sayin, it's floating around in there.

You know what else I did the other day? I told someone that I like that I sometimes wish I'd never met her. Isn't that a horrible thing to say to someone? Maybe not an enemy or someone you hate.

You know, I seem to type "you know" a lot.

You know, I've been thinking that one of the reasons I still blog is that you guys won't miss me if I'm gone. I mean, you don't really know me. If I no longer posted, you'd never know what happened to me. Now, waaaay back with the old blog, I was funny, prolific....geezus, can you imagine that I used to post someties up to 8 times in a day?! No shit. I always had something to say about something. Hell, I even had stuff to say about nothing. Im just writing this shit because I'm sitting in a big empty warehouse by myself and figured it'd be SOEMTHING to do even though my weird blankness had me sitting here staring at a stack of boxes for.....dunno....half an hour? Yeah, the balnkness makes me just zone out. Last week, Wednesday I guess, I came home from work and just sat down. That's it. NO TV, no computer, no music, I didn't eat the lunch I bought, didn't pick up a guitar....I just sat there. I get home around 12:40-ish (I work 4am till noon) and I didn't snap until somebody knocked on the door trying to sell shit a little after 3pm. Didn't care. Got up, threw my cold whatever it was in the trash (wasn't hungry) and then...I don't knwo what I did. All my days are one big blurry....thing.

Ah, the sadness has kicked in. It happens when I think about how I am lately. I get sad because I can remember being this other guy......a long time ago....I was not like this. It seems like a long time ago anyway.

Just last night I was talking to a friend on the phone and she was telling me that she wished she could just shake me. "Snap out of it!!" SHe kept telling me "This isn't you. You're the upbeat guy. The guy who always see's the upside. You get bummed but you always shake it off. You're the guy who lifts other people up, shows them that there is love, beauty, joy.....this isn't you."

All I could say was "I know.".

I know.

Don't you think I dont know? IF could stop this, don't you think I WOULD? Why do you think I go to therapy? Yes, I do. I know it probably doesn't read like I do, but you have no idea and I'm sure you dont want to know how bad I was a month or so ago.

I didn't want to wake up.
Ever.

Now....I dont care. I guess (shrug) that's an improvement of some kind. No?

The thing that I dont get is, I dont' even know WHY I am this way now. Maybe my spirit finally got broken. I dunno. All I know is that Im not the cheerleader anymore. If someone came to me depressed and asked me to give them a reason, anything.....to hold onto, a reason to go on......

I don't have anything.

I dont' care.

I don't CARE.

Im not sure I can get it across the right way.

Apathy.

Indifference.

I wouldn't tell them to go ahead and do it. Fuck no. I would just tell them "I don't know. Don't ask me. I've got nuthin. Go ask someone else. Find your own reason. Sorry. I know how you feel. I know you don't beleive me. I know it doesn't help or matter to know that I do. Good luck."

I truly beleived that there was love, happiness, better thigns out there than some of us were experiecing.

I dont beleive that anymore.

I lost it.

Whatever that IS...hope?

I dont have that anymore.

I hope less.

Hopeless.

I dont like it. Im working on getting it back. I WANT it back. I NEED it back. It's gone and I can't find it. YOU can't help me. No one can really help me. YOu've got to find your own thing I guess.

Only...sometimes the blankness man....

I don't care.

I don't CARE anymore.

I know of no other way to put it.

Apathy

Dear J,

I know.

I know.


God

Dear God,

I hate you.

Jasen

Patterns in the Ivy II by Opeth

This is my favoritest Opeth tune, aaaaaand I can play it.
Hooray for me!



Without you I cannot confide in anything
The hope is pale designed in light of dreams you bring
Summer's gone, the day is done soon comes the night
Biding time, leaving the line and out of sight

One moonlit shadow on the wall
Disrupted in its own creation
Veiled in the darkness of this fall
Is this the end - manifestation

It runs in me, your poison seething in my veins
This skin is old and stained by late September rains
A final word from me would be the first for you
The rest is long but I'll go on inside and through

One moonlit shadow on the wall
Disrupted in its own creation
Veiled in the darkness of this fall
Is this the end - manifestation

Patterns in the ivy
patterns in the ivy

Harvest by Opeth

Stay with me awhile
Rise above the vile
Name my final rest
Poured into my chest

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Pledge yourself to me
Never leave me be
Sweat breaks on my brow
Given time ends now

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Spirit painted sin
Embers neath my skin
Veiled in pale embrace
Reached and touched my face

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Larry "Bud" Melman has died.

Calvert, we hardly knew ye.
You will be missed.

The Blue Zoo Review?

I don't know about you, but I've been traumatized.
Thank God, Henrietta Hippo wasn't there to see this.

Och, dinna be drinkinen-dryvin yuh bastards.

Big'Orra and all that stuff.

omgomgomgomgomgomgomg

Jennifer Love Hewitt...


funhair.....

God is good.

Happy Ides of March

Order a Caeser salad for lunch and see if anybody gets it.

Solution

For some unknown reason I have this tune stuck in my head.
Make it stop.
Solution....
Solution.....


Solution....

Solution....

Dulcinea

When I was 10 I had a very vivid dream. I was riding in the back of a car; a cab or maybe a limo, I couldn't tell. I was an adult in the dream. I was staring out the window watching everything blur by. I said something and there was this musical laugh from beside me. I turned and I saw her. She was beautiful. I couldn't see her clearly (damn blurry faced dream people), I just knew she was beautiful. She took my hand and said "I love you" in a very sweet "You're a goofball and I like it" manner. I said " I love you too" and I smiled as if I never wanted to stop smiling. I leaned in to kiss her just as we went into a tunnel, it all went black and I woke up. I remeber feeling all warm and happy. Very happy. I awoke feeling that I had just seen the future. Fact. That WAS a glimpse into my future.
It was summer and I was going to a "day camp" (They picked you up in the morning, took you swimming, bowling, to the movies, the park...generally kept you out of trouble and your parents hair all day and dumped you back home in the afternoon.) and I told al my buddies about this dream. They laughed of course "Eww....you wanna to kiss giiiirls..you wanna kiss giiiiirls!" stuff. I was mad. This was serious. They had no idea how REAL this dream seemed. It was as if I'd seen that our camp van was going to explode or predicting an earthquake. I let them goof on me the whole day. It wasn't bad, after all, I DID wanna kiss girls. Losers.
Ever since that day, and I know this sounds stupid/crazy, but that's me, ever since that day I've been looking for, waiting for, aching for...HER. She has no name. I've never given her a name. She was HER. In my teens I wrote her poetry. I wrote short stories about her, for her... Still do. I've laid in bed at night over the years wondering where she was. At the end of every failed relationship I'd think about HER. It wasn't you AGAIN. I knew that though. I've gone from girl to girl with only a "Like" feeling. I "like" lots of people. "She's pretty, she's nice...I"ll date her." It was kind of a "thsi'll do until someone better comes along". Not that I was hoping for better mind you.....it's hard to explain. Maybe you understand.

Around 14 I read Don Quixote. It was an edited, dumbed down version for schools, but you got the gist(sp?). I felt then, and stil feel, that I am Don Quixote. I'm a hopeless romantic who lives in a fantasy world. I've been searching for my Dulcinea, and like Quixote, I am finding that she doesn't exist. She's a figment of my imagination. There is only "like". There is lust. There is a friendly, nice companionship, but there is no LOVE. No true love. I've tried to fool myself over the years, I've even somehow convinced others that it exists, but it doesn't. Well, there is love, but there is no "In love".

HER.

She is beautiful.
She is funny.
She is smart, so smart.
She is sweet.
She is caring.
She is understanding.

She gets me and not in that stupid "We both can quote Monty Python movies and love Gilligan's Island!!" shit most people think means another person is on the same level. She understands me. I dont have to explain things to her, and even if I DID, she wouldn't think I was tryimg to seem smarter than her ro make her feel stupid. That last one has been a HUGE problem in my life. I had one girlfriend get depressed and eventually break up with ME because she didn't feel she was smart enough/worthy of being my girlfriend.

ME.

She....the great HER, she IS all those thing. She is. Only.....she's all in my head. She doesn't exist. I've met women close. Close, but no cigar...which, should be a good thing because I dont smoke. (badum-pum)

I met a girl (we're all boys and girls, dont get on my ass for not saying woman) who I was almost positive was HER. If not, she was the closest I've ever met.

She's not her.

How do I know?

Because she doesn't want to be with me. I'd think that would be a telling sign don't you? If she were HER, I'd be HIM. Right?
Meh.

I get this weird feeling. I get in my "Where ARE you?" moods. I get this stupid " i miss you" ffeeling. Missing something I've never had. A very sad, empty feeling. If I'M here then somewhere.....somewhere she HAS to be. She HAS to be here doesn't she?

Apparently not.

27 years....and I haven'y found HER. I dated, broke up, dated broke up, dated, got married, split up.......they were all "close enough", great people, beautiful....just not HER.

I've had 4 different women (ok, I say women sometimes, sue me! :P) this week tell me "I can't believe you're single". One put it "You MUST be single by choice.".

I am.

It's because I didn't want to do the "close enough" thing again. I know it's al my fault. I have this stupid HER thing in my head. An idealized vision of my perfect "mate". I'm seeing that there is no woman who has all of the qualities I'm looking for. Well there is...that'll never happen though.

MY Dulcinea doesn't exist either. I, like Quixote, must come back to reality. There is no greater love, there are only windmills. Hopeless is the part to focus on in the term "hopeless romantic".

I'm tempted to just go back to my ex. She loves ME, that should be enough right? Once I purge this silly HER from my head any nice girl will do. Be happy that I have SOMEONE. I just need to purge HER from my head. There is no HER. There never was. Perhaps I need to dream that she died in a plane crash. I need to end my dreams of HER. I will never be happy as long as I believe that she's out there. She isn't.

She isn't.

Go back to the ex or find another "close enough". I'll never be truly happy as long as I have the illusion of HER floating around.

Do you know that from June until maybe September I was happy? I was so sure that she was out there and I'd find her, hell maybe already found her....

I am not happy anymore.

I am not happy anymore.

All women will be second best until I put my Dulcinea to rest.

It's so stupid.
I am insane.

I miss you.

Jerk & The Saturn Vapor Trail

3:42am

18mph-60mph: 8 seconds

60mph-100mph: 10-12 seconds

100mph-112mph: 5-6 seconds

Sudden, hard downshift around 113-114mph

114mph-119/120mph: Unknown. Reached downtown area and encountered traffic.

120-ish-35mph: 3 seconds by applying gentle pressure to brake pedal.


Jerk needs to live further from his job.

j/k

The night we met, I knew I needed you so
And if I had the chance, I'd never let you go.
So won't you say you love me,
I'll make you so proud of me.
We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go.

So won't you, please, (be my, be my baby)
Be my little baby, (my one and only baby)
Say you'll be my darlin', (be my, be my baby)
Be my baby now, (my one and only baby).


I'll make you happy, baby, just wait and see.
For every kiss you give me I'll give you three.
Oh, since the day I saw you
I have been waiting for you.
You know I will adore you 'til eternity.

So won't you, please, (be my, be my baby)
Be my little baby, (my one and only baby)
Say you'll be my darlin', (be my, be my baby)
Be my baby now, (my one and only baby).


So come on and, please (be my, be my baby)
Be my little baby, (my one and only baby)
Say you'll be my darlin', (be my, be my baby)
Be my baby now, (my one and only baby).


(Be my, be my baby), Be my little baby.
(My one and only baby), oh,
(Be my, be my baby), oh,
(My one and only baby). - The Ronettes

Congrats to all of this years Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame inductees.

REM too, even thought they suck and Stipes voice makes me want to tap his face with my knuckles.

Repeatedly.

More Than A Feeling....

Geezus, Brad Delp, the lead singer of the band BOSTON died this weekend too.
Looks like Jerk is jamming a lot of BOSTON today. This sucks. Who's next?

Brad, thanks for all the great music, especially "Amanda", one of the coolest power ballads songs ever.

Richard Jeni Dead

On Sunday, comedian Richard Jeni died from an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

The world is a sadder place without him, mine anyway.

On one of the blogs I found while trying to get more info, there was a very sweet comment left..
"He killed himself because he ran out of Paxil. Good. One less twerp in the world." or something to that effect. Some people really lift up the rest of the human race.

Jeni was a funny motherfucker.

Period.

300

It's better than I thought it would be, but then again, I'm kind of a history geek. You might not like it as much as I did. I think I might go see it again tomorrow.

It IS better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees.

Find your inner Spartan. :)

I wanted to come back and elaborate a bit since I liked this movie so much.

300 is NOT a documentary. It is not a step-by-step retelling of the facts. It IS a very important part of military/Greek/Roman/Western Civilization history told the masses in an easy to swallow form. It is history taught to you very "old school", in story form. In parts you feel as if you are sitting around the campfire being told of heroes...men AND women who lived long ago, in other parts you feel as if you are watching a play. Well, I did anyway, but as I said, I'm a bit of a history geek, so I was probably just a bit excited about it because I am familiar with what happened.

If you want all the facts, as well as we know them anyway, and you want to be walked through.....this movie will make money, The History Channel will start doing stuff about the Battle of Thermopylae. If you want to be entertained a bit while you're being taught a little history, you like Shakespearean stuff, thought Troy was ok or just enjoy "Gladiator movies" (AIRPLANE!!) go check this one out. I think you'll like it.

...and if you don't, at least you didn't have to sit through that peice of shit The Black Dahlia.

The Tower

(Can you figure it out?)

There are 12 commandments
There are 12 divisions
12 are the pagans who have mapped the sky
In the outer circle
to the inner sanctum
From the octave at the end of time

The Fountain, The Trinity
The Pilgrim is searching for blood
To look for his own free will
The Stone of Infinity washed in the flood

Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided and The Hanged Man smiles
Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided, let The Fool decide

In the atom circle where we break the stars
Hammer into anvil snuffing out the sun
Witness all the killing
See the birth of Mars
Our religion thrown into the fire

The Fountain, The Trinity
The Pilgrim is searching for blood
To look for his own free will
The Stone of Infinity washed in the flood

Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided and The Hanged Man smiles
Lovers in the tower
The Moon and Sun divided, The Magician laughs

Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided and The Priestess kneels
Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided, let The Fool decide

Lovers in the tower
The Moon and Sun divided and The Hanged Man smiles
Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided, let The Fool decide

Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided, The Priestess kneels to receive
Lovers in The Tower
The Moon and Sun divided, The Magician laughs...

- Bruce Dickinson (from The Chemical Wedding)

Stroking my stick

I'm thinkin about shootin pool down at The Wynkoop Brewery tonight around 6ish til....

a) I get too drunk to even lean against the table.

b) I get my ass handed to me 3 games in a row.

c) I get bored of shooting pool by myself.

d) All of the above.

Who's in?

I'll know for sure if I feel like goin around 4.
I dont mind going out by myself, it just gets old quick and I go right back to my hovel.

Yep, Jerk (J...it's "J" if you show up, I don't want you to yell "Hey Jerk!" and have a bunch of guys respond. It'll just confuse you. Me too.) WILL be at Wynkoop @ 6 til whenever. At least a couple hours. I'll be in a black shirt, gray pants and hanging out with my buddy Jon. He's tall, uber skinny and not anywhere near as cute as I am. Maybe I'll see ya there?!

Jerk: The Wonder Years

A long, long time ago on the whole other side of town.......

A 6yr old Jerk was trying to kiss a girl and/or get her to kiss him back. Yes, Jerk always, ALWAYS liked girls.

Inner Lil Jerk (ILJ): They are pretty.

Yes, yes they are buddy, let me finish the story k?

ILJ: And they smell pretty too!

That they do, that they do. Can you stop jumping up and down like that for a minute while I tell these nice people something? K? Good. Yeah, just go sit...yes, you can watch TV. NO! No, you can't watch "Hairpull 4:Ponytail Girls" that's...um...yes, they are pretty, but um....it's not for little boys...*cough*..grownups only. Just....here, watch this Godzilla movie. Good. YES, you can have a corndog! Geezus! How mom kept from killing us I have no idea. STOP JUMPING!!

OK...sorry, where was I? Ah yes...

Young Jerk couldn't get the cute girl to kiss him during last recess. SO, saddened and slightly frustrated (She kissed another boy. Slut.), he went back into the classroom, picked up his stuff, put it away in his cubby (like you're posta do at the end of the day), grabbed his coat and walked out the door, across the playground and down the street to go home. Enough of this crappy can't get no sugar day!
Lil Jerk walked a couple blocks over to Monaco & Leetsdale (One of the most dangerous intersections in town), waited for the light just like momma taught him, crossed the street (looking both ways the whole time just like momma taught him) and walked a couple more blocks to the apartment complex he lived in JUST in time to meet momma as she was getting into the car to go pick Lil Jerk up. "Hi Momma! I walk-ed home so you don't havta to go get me!" (BIG SMILE)

Momma was not happy.

Momma wasn't mad at Lil Jerk, she was mad at the school. She was mad because when she called them they didn't even know that Lil Jerk was gone. Momma was not happy.

This is a very telling story.
Jerk cannot remember any other day of first grade. Not one. He can remember the non-kissing day, but nuthin else.


Jerk wants a girl to kiss him. He wants her to kiss him SO bad, but she won't. She wants to. She really wants to. He knows it, she knows it and I think you guys would know it too. She won't kiss him though and the more he asks her to, the more she runs away from him. Other girls on the playground walk up and punch him in the arm (really hard too!), but Jerk wants to kiss this one girl. Yeah, they're pretty and kissing them would prolly be nice, but Jerk wants to kiss this other girl.

Jerk isn't getting his coat and going home this time. Instead he's back in the classroom drawing with crayons, trying to use those shitty ass scissors and trying to keep Billy Whatisface from eating all his paste.
Every once in awhile that pretty girl will come by and ask him what he's drawing...
"Pitchers of you"
"Oh"
"Do you want 'em?"
(reaches out hand but stops herself)"Y..no. No, I don't wannem... You really think I'm dat preddy?"
"Yep" (Scribble...scribble..scribble)
"OK....I'ma be outside on the swings."
"K" (Scribble...scribble..scribble..)
"See ya"
"K" (smile)

No more chasing.
No more walking away.

Think I'll just sit at the top of the slide and stare at her every once in awhile and wait for her to wave and make me smile and tingle all over. Oh joyous bliss! Oh magical, heartswelling rush of warmth! The giddy, dizzying, hide your face so no one can see how happy/shy you are wave of head ducking, shoulder raising........love?

Sigh......

God help me.

Meanwhile....

There's that other girl who punches me. HARD.
She likes to hang upsidedown from the Jungle-gym and tell me that she'll let me pull her pigtails.

I'm damn tempted....

God help me.

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