I just wrote a long post again. Venting. I'll cut it shorter for ya.
I'm done.
No more.
If you read this blog for my "inpirational" shit, and that's what it is. Don't bother coming back.
If you've been reading my shit for the last few years, the old blog and this one and you've been rooting for Jerk to get "The Girl" and ride off into the sunset or whatever bullshit, fantastical crap you think rolls around in my empty head...
Move the fuck on.
I'm tired of doing this to her, and tired of doing this to myself.
I'm tired of every little thing making her think it's all HER fault and try to take all the pain. It can't be the situation. It can't be ME. NO, not to her, she HAS to be the bad guy.
This THING between us, for whatever reason, it doesn't seem to let us go. We've tried before. We tried when we had a real reason, she was afraid she'd never leave and truly looked like she never would. We've tried to end this before, not because we wanted to, but because as good as this...whatever it is...IS, it's frustrating, maddening.
I'm ending it. Apparently, I am not strong enough, not built for this. I'm fucking lousy at it. I'm tired of hurting her or making her feel like she's hurting me. It's not what I want, but in the grand scheme of things who cares what I WANT right? She has everything she needs there. I do not add anything good anymore. I just add stress and bullshit. No more.
I'm done.
I'm letting this go.
Which is odd, because when you think about it, I never had it to begin with.
That means I won't miss it right?
Saturday, February 03, 2007
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for....
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9 comments:
I read this because you are my friend, you are smart as hell, you are funny (in all the ways that funny is), and you sometimes come up with inspired stuff--and I don't mean "inspirational" shit.
As for "her," it's her loss. I know that sounds cruel, but that's the truth, Ruth--for all the above reasons, and because you're darned cute when you wanna be.
Good luck moving on, I know from first hand how difficult it is. I am dealing with a toughie in that department myself.
She is NOT the bad guy. Why do people think there has to be a BAD GUY?
As for her loss, we never had anything. There is no loss. You can't lose something you never had.
J, I did not say she was the "bad" guy. I don't think there could possibly be a "bad guy" in this situation. It's just sad, is all.
And you know, for you, it IS a loss. Don't denigrate your feelings, they were genuine. I am sure some of them were reciprocated. If she called you her friend in any way, and you are pulling away, then it is her loss. I would certainly feel sad in her shoes.
I just call 'em like I see 'em. Hugs,
Jensy
you'll miss it/her/whatever "it" was. Love! I think that iis what it was, right? You'll miss it because no matter what your brain says, your heart and chemistry control it. There is nothing you can do about it, it happens and you will miss it.
But, if you loved her well and I think you did or tried, you have that and I think you did everything you could, so no regrets. Miss "it" well.
I do my best to try and stay single...and try not to pay for sexual favors...even though dinner and a movie is almost $100 now.
I see blogger has killed my old profile...that's me yapping above.
I'm not sure why I come here. ;P
Kidding.
I have not been in a relationship for over a year and I feel quite peaceful.
my friend camille has a saying. it goes like this: i need me some strange dick.
maybe that's what you need. some strange, well, you know. i am too much of a lady to say those kind of things.
i know that won't work, but it can be fun.
if not, you should just drink yourself into oblivion everyday.
God, i should have my own advice collumn.
Um, I was rooting for you to get The Girl and I most certainly will not move the fuck on. Or wait, maybe I will. Hmmm. Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up.
What? Don't roll your eyes at me!
You're a strong person Jerky, you'll get through this. It's going to suck sweaty balls, but you will.
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