I can feel it floating away. Inch by inch, day by day.

When I was 10yrs old or so my mom bought me this weird hotair balloon looking thing at a local fair or event...I can't recall where.
For the most part it would just kind of hover/hang in the air, but if you waved your hand above it, it would go up and if you waved your had below, it would go down. I got pretty good at messing with it. I could get it to slooooowly drift up or down....or rocket up to the ceiling and then crash to the floor.
I'd try to see how close I could get it to the ceiling wihtout touching....you know, stop it and make it hover an inch or so from the ceiling by quickly jumping up on my bed and waving my hand furiously below the little plastic basket hoping I would do it in time before it bumped the light fixture.
It was great fun to me. Up and down, mastering the EXACT amount of waving....feeling like I somehow was in complete control of physics even though I didn't understand all the science involved. It was fun.

The next day I decided I'd take it outside for a little while. There I was on the front "patio" of our apartment building. Waving above...below.....letting the slight breeze move it around...letting it hover JUST above the cement or grass. Once I let it drift up pretty high, but I jump/climbed the fence and got it to drift back down.

I waved above it one time and went to get it to hover beside me, about the same height as me......

...it kept going up.

I waved below it....

...it kept going up.

The breeze took it over by the fence again and I waved like crazy below it....
It kept going up.
I jump up the fence and waved like MAD still...
Up and over the fence it went. I gave it one last lunge/wave, almost falling over the fence, and as if to tease, the wind stopped and my finger tips aaaaaalmost caught the tiny ribbon there had been hanging from the miniature basket of my hotair balloon....

I watched it go up. Slowly, ever so slowly......
Up, and across the street.
It almost got caught in the neighbors tree.
Up it went......slowly....slowy drifting up and away from me.....

I can remember there being this odd ache in my chest, a slight panic.

I'd had this great thing, and I let it slip away. If I'd just left it alone, left it inside.....instead, there it was, floating away and there was nothing I could do about it.

I can still picture it as if it were yesterday. Me jumping up that fence, lunging at it, waving my left hand below it, then switching my grip on the fence so I could stretch further and wave faster with my right.....I aaaaaloooomst had it......

and then it was gone, and all I could do was watch it drift away, slowly drift away.......


To this day I'll compare sadness or heartache to being a little kid and watching your balloon float away. You're helpless. You're sad. You had this wonderful thing, hell it's like magic to you when you're a kid......one minute you had this magical thing and the next all you can do is watch it drift away......

and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Or is there?

After all, you're not a child anymore.

Get a ladder?
Blowgun?
Go get another balloon?
Stop waving at it and just GRAB it?

You're not a child anymore.
You're not helpless anymore.
You don't HAVE to stand there like an idiot watching it drift away, hoping that some miracle will occur and bring it back to you.
Do you know what you want?
Can you see it?
Is it scary?
Does it seem impossible?
Not sure if it's worth it?
Not sure if YOU'RE worth it?

You're not a child anymore.
You are NOT a child anymore.
You aren't helpless.
You CAN get it.
Yes, maybe in the past things went wrong.
You made poor choices.
You took wrong turns.
You failed.

You waved at it, because that's how you thought it worked. When in reality, all you had to do was grab it.
All you had to do was GRAB IT.

You're not a child anymore.

Don't just stand there and watch it float away.

You're not a child anymore.

Just go for it, and if for some reason it still DOES slip through your fingers....

There's a whole world full of balloons.

:)