More Tales from the Jyrk (see, Crypt has a "y" in it. Get it?!)

Well, since the Freezer of Death tale did nothing for ya.... Let me blow the dust off of the ol lumpy thing wedged betwixt my ears and see if I can find something else to entertain you.

I could tell you about the time my pal Tony and I kept talking about how cool Kilts were (Circa '84-85 skatepunk version of Jerk) and how this guy Greg showed up at the Teen club wearing his moms black skirt thinking it was pretty much the same. Pretty much cured me of the kilt thing even though I was going to wear it OVER my jeans. Yeah, I could tell you that only I just did.

I could tell you about how after I moved clear across town my buddy Mike fell in instant lust with this girl at my new school and how one Friday afternoon we sat parked outside her house for 2hrs as he stood NOT talking to her and her friends. Literally. Her friends talked to each other and he stood their listening RIGHT next to...Heather(?) and just nodded and forced smiles and then turned whiter than Opie when she turned to him and asked something. Yes, this went on for 2hrs. She thought he was cute. Well, until that episode, after that she was convinced he didn't like her since...you know.....he didn't talk. At all. We had to get out of the car and physically drag him away from her and then of course he was pissed at us because he was juuuuuuuuust going to say something to her. Ah, teenage luv. Yeah, I could tell you that one, but....I just did; and I think you all have that story, maybe even starred in it.

Hm...

OH! I could tell you about the time Tony and I ran into these girls we knew back in the skatepunk days 10yrs later and how one of them Beth(?), who I didn't remember, went into a pretty lengthy story about her and I having amazing sex on the stairs at Tony's Moms house one night. Did I mention that I don't remember Beth? Still? I think she confused me with somebody else; but hey, as long as she had a great time and keeps telling everyone it was ME how is that a bad thing right? Right.

I could tell you of the time my buddy "Dok" (Think Doc, but with a "k". Russian type thing. I don't remember how he got it nickname.) threw a party and I (The circa 86-88 metalhead version of Jerk) spent all evening trying to get into one girls pants, failed, got kind pissed/grumpy that I wasn't going to get any that night and stayed up all night watching some stupid horrorfest marathon thing with this other girl only to find out the next morning through an overheard conversation that the girl(also cute) I stayed up with would've jumped on me twice if I'd just blinked at her. I wasn't nearly horny or shallow enough back then or I'd have gotten laid more, BUT, again, I think we all have those stories.

I got it!
I could tell you about the time Tony spent all night at a club talking up this girl we worked with only to have me (Circa '90-92 shorter haired Grungey lookin Jerk) blow it for him the next day when this conversation occurred:

Girl: "Man, I feel so bad for Tony."

Jerk:" Why?"

Girl: "Well he's been having trouble moving on since his girlfriend Christy died last year."

Jerk (Laughing): "Christy's not dead I just saw her two days ago!"

Tony was pissed for a bit, but I told him it was HIS fault. As a Wingman, it's the Lead dogs job to keep him updated on the "game plan". HE didn't outline the mission statement? Not MY fault it failed. There are RULES people!. Did I mention that Tony was a dog? Did I mention that Tony got Christy's name tattooed HUGE on his right bicep only to have them breakup a month or so later? Yep. A nice religiousy type tattoo that's off center and says "Christ" is there now.

Hm...

I could tell you about the time I (Circa 92-95 tie wearing bartender version of Jerk)set almost the entire length of the bar I worked at on fire. OH yeah. Ouzo + fire+ Jerk knocking the flaming shot AND the bottle over set off a rather cool Raiders of the Lost Ark Barfight looking effect that just about sent 12 people up in flames. Meh. They shut up after I gave them a few free drinks. Barfolk are so easy to appease. "What? You're gonna shoot me in the leg but I get a free tab for Saturday night?! SWEET!! Can I choose which leg?"

Now that I think about it, there are a lot of stories involving Jerk and fire. I was a pyro, and even when I kicked my burning things habit, it still seemed to follow me around. Odd. Don't worry, there's no fire going on now. No fire at all. No fire at all....... Well there's fire, but.....bleh, nevermind.

:(

Meh, I'll think up a good one at some point I'm sure.
My life is pretty boring NOW, but for a good 10yr period I crammed a BUNCH of weirdness/fun in.