Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Spontaneous Story #2!

Sometimes I wonder why I even get out of bed. I get up to go to work this morning (I work 4am til noon) and as I'm driving in I see this weird light in the sky. I know I'm not imagining it because I ran out of opium last week and my "Travel bottle" of Jack needs to be refilled. So my radio starts doing the static thing, then the car dies and this beam of light comes out of nowhere and surrounds me.......it was pretty cool lookin! Suddenly, this weird little greyish/silver guy taps on the window and scares the shit out of me! He's saying something but I can't hear him, so I''m all "I CAN"T HEAR YOU!" and he's (it's?) motioning for me to roll down my window. "Oh yeah..." man did I feel stupid. So I roll it down (I didn't want to spend the extra $2000 grand for the electric window/security system on my car so I really CAN roll my windows down) and he's all "Hey man, is this Wisconsin? We're having trouble reading the map and we saw cows.", and I'm all "Nah man, this is Colorado." and he's turns and shouts up at the light "Sunovah bitch.....it's COLORADO you dipshit! Fuckin...STEVE! Can't read a friggin map!", and I'm all waitaminute........"Ron?" and the dude kinda startles and turns back to me "What did you say?", "Ron....is that you man? Holy shit small worl.....um...universe. Ron Epperman?", "DUDE!! Fuckin A! Jerk, man, I haven't seen you in FOREVER!". SO anyway.....to make a long story short. Ron tells me he's trying to get to Wisconsin because there's some Blood Drained Cattle convention and he's entered in the goatsucker/Chupacabra event. So we push my car to the side of the road and he shows me around his sweet ass ride (it's a rental though. Ron can't afford shit), and I point out on the map where they need to go. Steve had the map upside down and can't use a galactic compass to save his ass. Dope. Anyway, they're running late so Ron says he'll catch up with me next week sometime and hopefully he'll have a trophy to show off. I wish him good luck and snag a donut from the break room and watch them fly away. The only thing that sucked about it was that they forgot to zap my car again so it'd start. I wound up getting my ass chewed out for being late to work. I was gonna explain what happened, but if my boss didn't believe me that time Rupaul took me bowling with a bunch of Hawaiian Tropics models for lunch and that I got back late because the shoe rental guy was being an asshole about Ru's size 18's coming back all scuffed up........yeah, he wasn't gonna believe me about hanging with Ron.

2 comments:

Fig said...

non-believers...
they're so lame.

I like your story way better than mine. One foggy night about 10 years ago a mothership and cruised it nice and slow right over my hometown, scared the shit out of everyone on mainstreet. Made believers out of 30 farmers.

The truth is out there.

KOM said...

Classic.

No, dude, that was Epic!

Naw, that was wicked.

No.. that was classic what you just said about it being epic!

This shit is frontier good - better than I would be willing to do, but the women are ugly. Dig?

That being said, the Bauhaus clip is.. what does one say.. super-awesome-o-tastic? Although, like Queensryche circa "Rage For Order", it's more than a bit embarrassing to watch.

Sigh.

Why do I have so many pleasurable synaptic connections to such pomp and (leather) circumstance?

I really think you'd dig a friend of mine -- his email is a cross between a Bauhaus lyric and THX 1138.

Sorry to carry on, so.