'Member when I was funny?
Maybe not you new guys, but a few who read my old blog over the course of the 2 1/2yrs I had it(all gone....I deleted the whole fucking thing...) might remember that there was a time and yeah, I'm gonna pat my own fuckin back here, there was a time when I was friggin HILARIOUS. I forget that even when I was down, I was still kinda UP. More up than lately anyway. It's not until someone "finds" my blog through someone else's old post, through one of my comments that I see "Holy shit....what happened to that guy? When the fuck did I become so godamn-ed (gah-dam-ED) serious?".
Case in point, by checking my stalker counter at the bottom of my bloggie, I found this comment I left on Mia's (Check linky-do's to the right) blog when she wrote about spontaneous hot sex.
Jerk Of All Trades Said:
on January 12, 2006 at 2:30 pm
You lost me with the cold marble tiles.
That's a make or break Mia, I'm sorry, it's over.
No, no don't cry. You'll eventually get over me and you won't even remember my name. There might be a haunting memory that overtakes you at odd moments, but you'll be ok without me.
Perhaps in another time...another place..we could..um I'm sorry, could you please not bend over like that when I'm talking to...uh..wow, those are really nice legs I..uh...what was I talking about?
Wha happen?!?
On a completely unrelated note...
The remake of The Fog...
Yeah...
It sucks.
I keep waiting for Clark Kent to kick ass.
Dear Hollywood,
If John Carpenter nailed it the first time, dont fuck with it. This goes for Halloween too. Don't get me wrong, Rob Zombie is the man, but Halloween......dude that's like getting John Grisham to rewrite Green Eggs & Ham. Sure, he sells a ton of books, but c'mon man....don't fuck with genius achieved m'k?
Kthx,
Jerk
P.S. This includes letting Carpenter redo his own shit. Just say no. Escape from LA? Ugh. I could've made a crappy remake of Escape from New York for a 3rd of that money and if ANY of you asshats even THINK about trying to top The Thing.. I'll....I'll....I'll curse you with a trilogy starring McConaughey, DiCaprio and Sharon Stone. Yeah... See if THAT fucker will make any money at the box office. Shit, I might even throw in a Affleck cameo for good measure.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
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3 comments:
Movie-voice:
Tom Hanks only drives as fast as he can see, and besides, it's all in the reflexes.
He joins forces with Lucy Lui to stop the evil Hugo Weaving from becoming Flesh through the sacrifice of Paris Hilton!
Guest starring Kurt Russel as the courageous Egg Chen. It will come back no more, forever!
A Smallish Issue in Greektown.
May the wings of freedom never lose a feather.
Coming this summer!
Pitch it. I gar-in-phuc-n-TEE you someone would green light it. You'd have to replace Hilton with Lohan though. If she's not available I see Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hanks would be too expensive, think Jared Leto or if you need a bit more bang for the buck but still don't want to make much money, I've got two words for ya......Hugh Jackman.
Briefly I was tempted to burn a cd of my own stuff and call my "band" Six Demon Bag, but then I found out there already was a band named that. Good thing too cuz my stuff isn't very good. 2 demon bag maybe, but not six. Besides, you already told me anything I do, book, CD, whatever....it's to be called "The noon girls are bored". Sounds like a book more than an album really.
Maybe just "Noon girls". That could be any media.
Jeez, leave it to me to clear a comment section. I've noticed this more than once -- sometimes I come late, and I understand that no one comments after me. Other times, though, I'm first or second in line, and the subject just drops. What's up with that? Can you people really smell me through your monitors?
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