Dear people who buy mixed nuts,
(This includes my mom, grandmother, the ex-wifey and 3 ex-gf's)
The next time you're at the store and are tempted to buy a can of said mixed nuts, look around, there are cans clearly labeled as containing Cashews ONLY. That's right! You can get nothing but your beloved cashews. That way when you're out, you can tell by the empty can and you just go back to the store and get some more instead of endlessly shaking and turning, shaking and turning, shakinG AND FUCKING TURNING THE GODDAM CAN OVER AND OVER AND OVER PUTTING YOUR FRIGGIN MITS ALL OVER EVERY DAMN NUT IN THE CAN WITH YOUR SHAKING AND TURNING SHAKING AND TURNING HOPING MORE CASHEWS MAGICALLY APPEAR WITH YOUR SHAKING AND TURNING!!!!!!
*ahem*
If you just want cashews, then BUY cashews.
Your pal,
Jerk
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
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10 comments:
i like to handle nuts
I'm picky about my nuts and variety is key. I'm mostly about the cashews and almonds, but every so often, I'm tempted by a walnut.
Reason #437 that I like living alone: I feel no guilt about nuts.
Agreed, but eating half a can of cashews at once can really mess with ya. It's better to have to work at it.
mmmm ... cashews ...
Crystal said it (dirtily) best.
You ignore the simple fun factor of parsing through nuts. Looking for cashews is a pitcher's duel, so to speak. Not fun to watch, necessarily, but intense if you're involved.
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