Understanding Jerk

In an attempt to get a better grip on what exactly my "problem" is when it comes to "fitting in" and my inability to really be comfortable with most people, I've done some research on the one thng that has always caused me problems and one of the few things that I do NOT like to talk about....

I is smart.

All of this applies, but I will highlight the ones that are "spot on". Most of this was swiped from Wikipedia.


Intellectual giftedness is an intellectual ability significantly higher than average. Giftedness is a trait that starts at birth and continues throughout the life-span. Giftedness is not a marker of success, but rather of aptitude or the inherent ability to learn.

Gifted individuals also experience the world differently, resulting in unique social and emotional issues. The work of Kazimierz Dabrowski suggests that gifted children have greater psychomotor, sensual, imaginative, intellectual, and emotional "overexcitabilities".

Bright: 115+, or one in six (84th percentile)
Moderately gifted: 130+, or 1 in 50 (97.9th percentile)
Highly gifted: 145+, or 1 in 1000 (99.9th percentile)
Exceptionally gifted: 160+, or 1 in 30,000 (99.997th percentile)
Profoundly gifted: 175+, or 1 in 3 million (99.99997th percentile)

I've never tested lower than a 134 and once, waaay back when I was 15 I scored a 146. I'm sure I hover more towards the lower than the higher.

Generally, gifted individuals learn more quickly, deeply, and broadly than their peers. Gifted children may learn to read early and operate at the same level as normal children who are significantly older. The gifted tend to demonstrate high reasoning ability, creativity, curiosity, a large vocabulary, and an excellent memory. They often can master concepts with few repetitions. They may also be physically and emotionally sensitive, perfectionistic, and may frequently question authority. They sometimes perceive teachers and authority figures as their peers or even as inferior to themselves. Some have trouble relating to or communicating with their peers because of disparities in vocabulary size (especially in the early years), personality, and interests. As children, they may prefer the company of older children or adults.

Giftedness is frequently not evenly distributed throughout all intellectual spheres: an individual may excel in solving logic problems and yet be a poor speller; another gifted individual may be able to read and write at a far above average level and yet have trouble with mathematics. It is possible there are different types of giftedness with their own unique features, just as there are different types of developmental delay.

Isolation is one of the main challenges faced by gifted individuals, especially those with no social network of gifted peers. Hoping to gain popularity, gifted children will often try to hide their abilities to win social approval. Strategies include underachievement and the use of less sophisticated vocabulary when among same-age peers than when among family members or other trusted individuals.
The isolation experienced by gifted individuals may not be caused by giftedness itself, but by society's response to giftedness. "In this culture, there appears to be a great pressure for people to be 'normal' with a considerable stigma associated with giftedness or talent."

Another problem often associated with giftedness is underachievement.
Many gifted students will continually do well on achievement or reasoning tests, but will fail to turn in assignments or attend or participate in class. Overall, they will be disengaged from the educational process. This can result from under-challenging schools, peer pressure for conformity, social isolation, and family dysfunction. In other cases it can result from other factors within the individual, including depression, anxiety, failure-avoidance, rebelliousness, irritability, nonconformity, or anger.


No research points to suicide rates being higher in gifted adolescents than other adolescents. However, a number of people have noted a higher incidence of existential depression, which is depression due to highly abstract concerns such as the finality of death, the ultimate unimportance of individual people, and the meaning (or lack thereof) of life. Gifted individuals are also more likely to feel existential anxiety.

Another thing that "bothers" me, is the fact that I could stop 100 people on the street and they'd all tell me the same tale. Obviously this cannot hold true, not all of us ARE "gifted", but it just helps to confuse me. Any mention, ANY mention of how MENSA has bugged me off and on for YEARS to join gets a "Oh yeah....I could join, but I just dont wanna." from the bum at the bus stop, the chick workin the register at KFC all the way to Legal Assistants.

Therefore I've "learned" to not bring it up. People either think you are bragging or are a liar. I neither want to be superior NOR inferior, I simply want to fit in, but I don't. I AM smarter than most people. I am. However, in our society being view as "better" than others in anyway is both held up and looked down upon. It's VERY confusing.
I'll go off on tirades about how I wish I was an idiot. I wouldn't lay awake all friggin night thinking....endlessly thinking about crap.. Things to which there are no answers. Things that most people don't even give a shit about. Things that I blog about and then get upset that nobody knows what the fuck I'm talking bout or they read something COMPLETELY different into it or in the case of a few people I THANKFULLY shook from the old blog, they'd try and sound smart themselves. Cripes is there anything more annoying than someone struggling to sound not "smart" per se, but like a friggin genius?! (Heck, I prolly fall into that caterory right now don't I?) Like when they use words in the wrong context or make up shit like "Hypothemitically speaking" and "EK-eterma" for etcetera. (Shudder)

Anyhoo....

Now you know why I'm such a wordy tard.

P.S. All this crap is about how I feel bad about and hate that I am smarter than the average bear. WHICH, then makes me feel stupid and then I feel bad about thinking I am smart when I'm not. Yeah....it's FUN to be Jerk.

P.P.S. Also, I have afeeling that pretty much all of you reading this are in the same boat. Bloggnig and Higher than average IQ seem to go hand in hand. Not to say that there aren't idjits who blog, it's just that more times than not, we "brainies" are blogging. We also tend to not comment very much. It's the whole not fitting in/feeling like we SHOULDN'T be commenting on crap thing. I mean, who are WE to comment on stuff right?