You guys cheat!!

Apparently some of you abuse your internet/blog power an dread posts that I deleted. I'm not sure HOW your "favorites" or whatever does that or WHY but that's cheating. Maybe I changed my mind and don't want you guys to know that I liked K'Feds album. Maybe I'm not comfortable with you guys know I've got a thing for Marlo Thomas during her "That Girl" gig. MAYBE.....you guys don't want to hear about the penis transplant story I read about on AOLnews? (Yeah, no sex for me for quite awhile. shudder) Maybe I delete stuff for a REASON.

Just sayin.

Now, one post that I DELETED, was very, very, very, very, veryvery, VERY dark with the sarcasm/cynical/gallows humor and scared the shit out of a couple people. I'm sorry. Mainly, it was because I mentioned the suicide thing. The few of you who read it (shit maybe ALL of you read it), will probably recall that I told you a lil secret. A secret that up until that post only two people in this world knew. YEARS ago, while a sad and angry teenager, I unsuccessfully (obviously. I think) tried to kill myself. I'll shorten it so's not to bore you. I tried to hang myself. You know, I think I might have posted this and deleted it off of my old blog. Hm.

*ahem*

It was a dark and stormy night.....

Actually, it was summer. Lovely weather really. They were building new houses a block or so away. I had some nylon cord. I went and stacked some stuff up, threw the cord over a ceiling beam, stepped up on the crap, tied a loop around my neck while trying not to fall (didn't want to get hurt before I kill-did myself I guess.), and then stepped off.

There was a slight yank. It hurt and there was a bit of rope burn......but..um....no Grim Reaper. Nope. Instead of a lovely (gruesome?) snap and darkness there was pain like a stiff neck and me........standing on my toes like an idiot tied to the ceiling.

That's right. Your buddy Jerk didn't bother to check rope length. Didn't apply geometry and such. Stay in school kids.

So......

I stood there and felt stupid. I stood there on my toes, trying not to fall over...trying to figure out how to get LOOSE and I started to kind of laugh at myself for being an idiot.

Nylon cord stretches kids. If you can just step up a little on some other crap around you after your James Bond type arch enemy leaves you for dead (after he bores the shit out of you with the damn "I win, you lose/The world is MINE/ BWah-hahahahaaa" speech of course), you can work yourself free. You can work yourself free and ride your bike home in the middle of the night feeling like a jackass, stop at 7-11 to get a Cherry/Coke Slurpee(tm) and then go home and watch some crappy movie on late night, PRE-500 channels free tv (Jan-Micheal Vincent!), rubbing your neck and still feeling pretty fucktardish. Asshole.

I swore that no matter HOW down I got, that I would NEVER do that shit again. So anytime I mention it, if I do again, know that I'm just talkin out my ass/sarcastic/dramatic crap and just ignore me or better yet, remind me of my bordering on a plot for a new Pauly Shore/Stephen Baldwin movie, dumbass suicide attempt. K?

I won't though. I won't joke about it unless it's BLATANT like if someone actually steals my McCaughnahaunahanahey, DiCaprio and Sharon Stone (shudder) movie (nightmare) idea and makes it a reality and I say "I'd rather kill m'self than see that movie!".

Just to explain, not that I really NEED to, but all 3 of those "actors".....ok, McCaughahauhnahey is a decent actor, DiCprio has gotten better (that aint sayin much) and Sharon Stone should not be considered an actor by any stretch of the imagination...all 3 of these "actors" get paid a shitload of money, have gotten LEAD roles (REPEATEDLY) and NONE of their movies make money. Matthew Mc_____hey, seems like a really cool guy, and he was excellent in A Time To Kill and will always be remembered fondly for Dazed and Confused, BUT his movies flop. BIG TIME. He has NEVER had a hit movie. Never. In fact, like with SAHARA, his flicks LOSE money, yet he keeps getting lead roles and tons of money. I'm not sure if it's just that he picks crap to do or what, but Matthews movies flop. He aint no Keanu Reeves who with limited "acting" ability has SEVERAL blockbusters under his belt. NOw, I like Keanu, but he's NOT a great actor. He's Keanu in everything and that's ok because he picks shit where being "Keanu" WORKS. You think John Wayne was on par with Olivier? SHit no, but he found a way to make being "John fuckin Wayne" WORK for him. (The Duke rocks by the way. True Grit baby...True Grit and the Searchers). I think Mc___hey needs to get someone else to pick his scripts and then I won't box him with the other actors I mentioned. Yes, they're actors with tons of money, but if it were ME, I'd rather be a fan favorite, decent living making B-movie guy (Jan-Micheal Vincent!) or charater actor guy than a multi-billion dollar box office floppin dude (Ben Aflac. another swell seeming guy who keeps getting lead money/roles even when his flicks BOMB, and yet ANOTHER Dazed and Confused alumn).

I'd rather be Jeff Goldblum than McC___hey, but that's a given, and some would say I'm already pretty much Jeff Goldblum.

Just without the money or the fame.

Actually I wanna be Chow Yun Fat (The Killer and Hardboiled version not the "Hollywood" bullshit version) when I grow up, but I don't think that's happenin.

Well...THIS was an odd post.
You can't get this shit anywhere else folks!

Aren't you glad?